THE VAMPIRE DIARIES, BIPOLAR PAIN...TURNING IT OFF...

Thursday, October 2, 2014



I just finished binge watching the first 5 seasons of a CW show called THE VAMPIRE DIARIES...beware spoilers..

whenever my anxiety has me unable to leave my apt..I end up binge watching stuff on NETFLIX....

In the past several years a lot of external stuff in my personal life has exacerbated my already difficult issues so bad that I felt like I literally had to go into robot/zombie mode to deal.....I could function as long as there was minimum drama, no surprises, I had a modicum of control over the location, situation.... my emotions became flat...my energy level nosedived and my urge to do anything creative or exciting has stalled...

my point.. I made it to this specific episode of the Vampire Diaries ( STAND BY ME-season 4 ep.15).....



The main female character, ELENA, once a lovely, young caring, kind hopeful teen had to endure much mental and emotional anguish...... from the ages of 16 thru 18...both of her parents died/ drowned in a car accident... she was the only one saved, her fave aunt who became her guardian was killed, several other close folks around were killed or injured...and she was finally killed herself and unwillingly became a Vampire- something she truly did not want... and due to her otherworldly craving for human blood ended up killing several people herself....

at the point in this scene in the following clip.. Elena's young brother, Jeremy, has been killed.. she had him lying on his bed in his room denying the fact of his death..hoping against hope he was not really dead...and then it hits her he is really dead....

I watched this scene and felt so strongly for her as she begins to accept the truth... the reality that more pain and grief has come to roost on her doorstep and she begins to become overwhelmed with emotion...you can see the breakdown coming  fast and furious down the pike...

luckily???? Vampires have the ability to switch off their humanity and can choose to NOT FEEL emotions...to truly become heartless and soulless creatures....
It is at the suggestion of one of the Vampires (who has loved her since he first saw her) that to save her, to save her sanity.. her last connection with being human...the ability to feel, must be severed....

the apex of the scene is when one of the Vampires witnessing her being flooded with pain and grief, begs her to TURN IT OFF, TURN IT ALL OFF!!!...


I realized I had unconsciously years ago TURNED IT OFF myself...I have kept myself from feeling because I have been afraid I would drown in the pain...I am still running from my emotions...I can no longer write poetry or songs like I used to because I would have to marinate in the emotions and I prefer to remain cold, distant and apathetic... but it is the only way I see to retain my sanity...

Watching this scene chills me because I see myself running from all the emotion to save myself from drowning...
I give kudos to the writers and the actors and actress who created this scene...
it is absolutely AMAZING....




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