HELP, I'M A CLUTTER BUG!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010




My name is Felica and I am a Clutterer, Hoarder and I am Chronically Disorganized. I procrastinate like nobody’s business. If it wasn’t for the last minute, I would get nothing done. I have 6 large drawers in my home that are filled with mail, papers, magazines, stuff I’ve clipped out of magazines, newspapers, etc. any bare surface in home is like a clutter magnet. But I am always cleaning. I am constantly clearing surfaces but I get anxious at the thought of sorting thru everything, so I shove it all in drawers, the top of my closets and tell myself I will go through it all later. My purse is large and brimming with pieces of note paper, gum, a Sudoku book, and too many other things to name and I can’t find anything I need when I need it quickly. I don’t like wallets. I’d rather have my dazzling array of plastic cards (license, credit cards, bank card, grocery store discount cards) floating happy and free in the deep abyss that is my purse. My lovely sister gave me the most awesome leather Liz Claiborne wallet for Christmas. I used it once and I found it to be too confining. I know this statement sounds crazy. This constant lack of organization is crazy. I feel like I am turning into one of those lonely old ladies with a houseful of cats, except for the cat part. I don’t have any cats. I thought downsizing into a smaller place would make things better, but it hasn’t. I now just have less room to hide things.

I watch that horribly entertaining A&E show, HOARDERS. I am nowhere near as bad as the folks I see on that program, but I feel like it would be so easy for me to slide in that direction. But after watching how horrible chronic disorganization can become and knowing I don’t ever want to live in mountains of crap and possibly end up dying in my home suffocated by my stuff. I develop emotional attachments to ridiculous items and find it extremely hard to even think about throwing them away.

Why am I airing my dirty laundry, so to speak? Because, there is nothing worse than feeling like no one else in the world could possibly have the same issues you do. When you know that you are not alone, you feel better about yourself and your life.

If you’d like to read more about Hoarders, Clutterers, ADD & Chronic Disorganization visit any of the sites below:




YOU CAN'T HANDLE A REAL WOMAN

Friday, January 8, 2010

I didn't write this, but dayum I wish I had!!!
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?"

She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

(Some say that Andy Rooney, is the author of this piece, but according to Urban Legends, its source is a mishmash of authors.)

PREGNANT WOMEN ARE SMUG

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I came across this video called PREGNANT WOMEN ARE SMUG by musical duo Garfunkel & Oates. It is effin HI- LAR-EEEE-US.

Speaking from experience, when I was pregnant with my mini diva, short of missing her father and the early morning sickness, being pregnant wasn’t too bad. That being said, I don’t think I could stomach ( no pun intended) being pregnant every year though like Mother Earth herself, Michelle Duggar ( of my uterus is on life support ) birth mom (factory) to 19 kiddies.

I am now at near the end of my child-bearing road, if my bitchy mood swings and constant body temp of 100 degrees are signs. There was a time after the birth of my daughter where I desperately wanted to produce at least 2 more wee little earthlings that would closely resemble myself. Now 7 years later ( MY BABY’S BIRTHDAY IS TODAY, SHE IS 7 YEARS OLD, HELL YEAH  ) that desperate feeling of reproducing more mini-me’s has ebbed quite a bit. If I met a great, funny fella who could afford to allow me to be a stay at home mom ( I’d still be working on my writing from home) I would consider becoming pregnant again. Of course I don’t have too much time left and that whole dating and falling in love thing sometimes takes a couple of years or so. I still love children, so I would certainly welcome someone else’s kids into my life as long as they had no juvie records or assault charges against them.

Anyway, I digress, yes pregnant women are smug. Why shouldn’t they be? Sure, millions of women throughout history have given birth and sure, most animals give birth one way or another, but still for the one woman who is pregnant, her pregnancy is usually the most life defining moment experience she will go through.

Yeah, there are other great goals, women can accomplish in their lives, but when a women dies, in her obituary it doesn’t read, “ Kate is dead, but dayum she made Sales Person of the Year in 2001 and she outsold everyone on her team.” Nope, most women’s obituaries usually say, “ Kate is dead and she is survived by Mabel, her lovely daughter and Joe, her hunky son.” ( more or less reads like this).

Anyway, when I die, the only accomplishment I will feel proudest of is the fact that I created another human being and raised them to be a (hopefully) wonderful, productive human being, and that’s it. The amount of money I earned in my life, will not matter as much as the wee one I created, my child. Maybe, this is why some pregnant women are smug, they know they are creating something far more enduring and incredible and lasting than sales figures, books sold, accounts won.

Do you hear that sound? I think it’s the sound of my biological ticking like a gong. I want another baby………………

FELICA'S INANE CHATTER FOR 1/6/10

Wednesday, January 6, 2010



 I think I might be regressing age-wise. I have now discovered a (new to me) well-known, tasty and nutritious snack. I am now carrying around little zip lock baggies of Honey Nut Cheerios in my purse and they are not for my munchkin, they are for momma to snack  I am on. I am seriously addicted to dry handfuls of Honey Nut Cheerios and I am popping them into my mouth right now as I type. Yummmmmmmy and good for you.

This past weekend I had a little free time since my lil diva was at her dad’s probably chattering his ears off, and I watched a lil film called, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY. Can I tell you this little movie ( cost srsly $11,000 to make and has earned over $40 million to date) scared the crappola out of me, no joke.  Since then every noise I hear in my place makes me jump 10 feet.

Tomorrow is mi hija’s birthday ( in Spanish, this means “my daughter”) and she turns 7 years old. Yippeee!!!

Now check out this video I found on youtube:
Let's all pray for this lovely lady who walks around in her own permenant piece of heaven. Can I get some of what she's smokin ?



HAPPY NEW YEAR BEETCHES :)

Monday, January 4, 2010

Howdy, I'm baaaaaack, And more bitter and bitchier than ever! Over the Holidays, I attempted to perform a computer intervention on myself.  I felt I needed a brief detoxification from all things electronic except for my TV, DVD player and my bestest friend, TIVO.

It worked , now I feel like a brand new person, well almost, my SNARK remains as Snarky as ever.

Check out the pic below from my friends over at www.peopleofwalmart.com.
Looking at this lady makes me want to tie rope around my nipples and yank both ends over my shoulders and tie a tight knot around my neck. I'd ask if she can spell B-R-A, but she probably cannot even spell A-B-C.
This is one case where if I saw her shoplifting a brassiere in Wal-Mart, I would do my civic duty and Let Her. God knows if anyone needs a little lift, she does.

 

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