Friday, April 9, 2010

Good Lord Almighty, there is a whole lot of WRONG and WTF? going on in the world today. I almost can't take it, but it's at difficult times like these I just hand the wheel over to Jesus :)

1. Dog Chews Off Baby's Testicles, Mom Loses…
2.Russia furious over adopted boy sent back from US
3. Elizabeth Taylor, 78, to Wed for 9th Time — to 49-Year-Old! 
4. Muslim woman strangled by her burkha in freak go-kart accident...
5. Jail Me Elmo? Police say dad called school to fetch pot from kindergartners Elmo backpack


Wednesday, April 7, 2010


This is dedicated to all those skeevie people who email me on a daily basis ( and fill my SPAM folder to capacity) with their supposed knowledge about my sex life ( or lack thereof), my alleged interest in legal and illegal prescription medications, my need for international job leads, my alleged interest in engaging in extramarital affairs and introductions to freaky people who want to do freaky things to me and with me; SKEEVIE PEOPLE PLEASE STOP EMAILING ME!!!!!!

You are all disgusting and foul and if Jesus didn’t already have his hands full dealing with Sandra, Jesse, Tiger and the millions of viewers praying that Kate Gosselin gets booted off ‘Dancing With The Stars’ next week, he would definitely send some lightning bolts your way with your names engraved on them.

Seriously. Stop bothering me and stop my making my YAHOO email work so dayum hard. I don’t know where you have received your information, but you are sorely incorrect in regards to my prescription medication needs and preferences in sexual activity partners.
You just don’t know me as well as you think you do, and your emails are insulting to me.

You all should be ashamed of yourselves for harassing hard-working Christian folks like myself in such a vile way on a daily basis. You are all losers and there are seats in hell with your names on them ( you will all be seated together in the eternal flames with those sinners from that devil band KISS and that nasty tattooed nazi chick that broke up my sweet Sandra Bullock’s marriage).




The first thing I’d like to know is when and where has my 7 yr old budding fashionista spent time hanging around hobos? I also asked myself when was the last time I heard someone actually use the word “hobo”?  But just last week, my overly precocious and equally exasperating mini diva informed me one morning before school, that she wouldn’t be able to wear the cute new plaid long sleeve shirt I purchased for her because in her words, “ She was not going to school dressed like a hobo.”

After my initial shock wore off, I then had to give her my momma’s stock’ I know fashion, you don’t speech”, because honestly what does my 7 yr old daughter know about the fashion inspirations of driftless homeless males who spend their days jumping on and off of train cars in various train yards around the country. Seriously, a hobo? Seriously? Even the homeless people you see in L.A. aren’t called hobos, or at least not in my presence and I have certainly never noted a preponderous of  these men wearing sz 7/8, lovely teal, pink and green plaid shirts from the little girls department in Tarjay.

For any other mommies or daddies out there who occasionally find yourselves in early morning fashion stand-offs before school, feel free to copy my frequently used “momma’s knows fashion and you don’t” speech below.

 It goes like this:
“Sweet pea, (speaking to daughter), I don’t know what would make you think that this lovely blouse that momma bought for you would make you look like a hobo, but you are mistaken. I know fashion, you do not. Momma has lived far more decades than you and I can assure you I would never dress you in a way that would reflect badly on me. (This is soo true, I’m shallow this way)

Sweet pea’s response: “The kids at school will tell me they think it’s ugly.”

Now I am riled, because if there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s my child deferring to the unproven and underdeveloped intellect of her 7 yr old school yard peers.

My response, (which I have told her numerous times in the past and will continue to repeat until I die).
“Sweet pea, how many times has momma told you that you do not base your decision making on those little kids you go to school with? Those little kids know less than you do. You make decisions based on what momma tells you not little kids who pick their nose, pee their pants and still can’t tie their own shoes. Seriously, sweetpea why would you want to make your decisions based on what your grubby little friends think? These kids are gonna be lucky if they grow up and earn a GED by the age of 30. These are not the people to be telling you what to do or how to do it. Seriously.”

This part our discourse usually makes her see the error of her ways, so even though she acquiesced and said she would wear the lovely teal, pink and green plaid shirt to school,  she did clarify that once she got to school she was going to take it off and put it in her backpack; because she still didn’t want to look like a hobo.

And this was how this particular morning prepping for 1st grade with a budding fashionista played out. Momma couldn’t wait to get to work.


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

If you love gossip and smut like I do, ( still working with Jesus to overcome this addiction), then this Sunday April 11th you need to put those babies down to bed, send your man or woman to the kitchen to clean up those dinner dishes, grab your bottle of Pinot and sit down to tune into to VH1's newest drama-fest, BASKETBALL WIVES, exec-produced by Shaunie O'Neal ( of soon to be Shaq's ex-wife).


My 7 yr old musical diva is currently obsessed with watching the dvd of the 1992 Kenny Ortega directed, Christian Bale starring musical NEWSIES. This little girl wants to watch this dvd every chance she gets, before breakfast, during the day, before bed, etc.

I personally do not want to watch it even though from all the clips I've had to endure viewing accidentally, it seems to be a: set in the same time period, more testosterone filled, musical version of ANNIE (  with a young pre-Batman Returns, Christian Bale singing and dancing.)

At least we have finally moved on from her previous musical obsession which was THE SOUND OF MUSIC all day and all night :)

RIPPED- a poem by Felica Devers

Thursday, April 1, 2010

there is a shadow that covers my soul
a rip in the center of my existence
crying i cannot control
inside where no one can hear it

i long for a day of calm seas
like children playing innocent and endless
their laughter i long to imitate
and the knowledge this aching will cease

but this sadness will linger forever
this ageless insufferable gray
this cloak that i wear through
the sunshine and rain
melancholy day after day

and still there is a shadow that covers my soul
a rip in the center of my existence
crying i cannot control
inside where no one can hear it
written by felica devers copyright 2010

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