Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Today, I’d like to talk about the joy of having your car broken into. There is no feeling like getting off work after a hard day of trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents, getting into your driver seat and noticing the night lights twinkling thru the remainder of cracked auto glass hanging (in a small sad lonely triangle) where your passenger window used to be.

I really do not need this added aggravation and financial drain at this exact moment in my life. But hey, I know some people ( in the hills and trailer parks of various rural states) who have it far far worse than I ever will, so I didn’t allow my pissed-o-meter to hit 10 ( it clocked out around 6.5).

I would like to address the incompetent idiot who committed this crime against my defenseless lil car. First of all, my car is a ‘momma’ car. You can see this from the outside and even standing beside it and peering into the windows.

There is nothing about the model of neither my car nor the items visible on the seats of my car that would indicate to any experienced, professional thief that it would be worth their precious thieving time to break into my car.

I have a lovely pink booster seat in the backseat, along with several boxes of 100% apple juice, several unopened bags of ‘Pirate’s Booty’ snacks, 2 size 6x jackets ( someone I know is always misplacing one), a few opened and unopened water bottles, several children’s beginning reading books and a large variety of homemade CD’s covering the exciting gamut of children’s books on tape to ocean sounds to former teen pop stars N’Sync to 1950’s jazz.

I am not angry at the idiot who broke into my car, in fact I feel sorry for them, because if their goal in life is to be a professional thief, they suck at it already. Seriously, most cars that do not have audio alarms or little signs that state they have alarms, do not have them for one reason.

You stupid inept car thief, these cars do not have alarms because: THERE ISN’T ANYTHING IN THE CAR WORTH STEALING NOR IS THE CAR WORTH STEALING EITHER!

How many unnecessary car windows did my bonehead car thief break last night before he found one item that he could pawn for something more than $20?

You must be one dumb, desperate thief to break into an obvious, crumb infested, booster seat having, children’s books about, sticky, dusty ‘Momma’ hatchback.

This is why we should encourage our children to get an education and to aim high in life.

CRIME DOES NOT PAY (especially if you’re stupid)


Anonymous said...

Some mommas just can't seem to raise their little un-and-unders right. Thank goodness for the morning-after pill or our streets would be flooded with little stereo thieves.


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