Cause Why?

Friday, October 30, 2009

Somebody tell me in what part of the country is this choice for maternity wear acceptable for a soon to be mother. i.e ROLE MODEL FOR AN IMPRESSIONABLE YOUNG CHILD. Oh hell's bells, the poor kid in her Cheeto/ Pabst Blue Ribbon filled belly never had a chance.
See what aisle is this future 'Momma of the Year" on?  Halloween costumes!!!  Cause why?You're gonna spend that hard earned state welfare money on a costume instead of a SHIRT?

Where the hell are her priorities? I'll tell you where her priorities are, (8 months ago) she left them priorities in the cow chip covered pick up truck bed, (which was probably parked in the far dark end of that same dayum Wal-Mart parking lot), after sharing her love physically with her cousin Bubba.

That's right, Cousin Bubba, aka poor dumb blood related Baby Daddy standing next to her in Wal-Mart looking at Halloween costumes instead of an oversized Willie Nelson t-shirt to cover her big trashy belly and keep their fetus warm.

Let us srsly pray for Baby Bubba Jr. aka year 2025's state inmate # 349583772.


Good news, goldfish purchased yesterday on lunch break made it home alive and were still alive this morning as I walked out of the house to go volunteer as a traffic valet at my daughter's school. Nothing like a MILF
( that would be ME) standing on the curb in front of an elementary school in a nasty azz, germ infested orange neon vest. But telling parents in cars and mini-vans where to drop off their kids and helping their kids get out of the mini-vans is sooo much fun to me:)

Then I had to run my daughter's Halloween costume to her class for their costume contest.

I firmly believe there is a conspiracy amongst L.A. drivers to purposely eff up my drive to work in the mornings. Surely that many people don't have to be at work for 9am. Whatever their reason for being in my way on the freeway, it needs to stop. I NEED TO BE AT WORK ON TIME and everyone else needs to GET OUT OF MY WAY!

By the way, if you care, I am wearing a Halloween costume today and it's called MILF wear, and I wear it every dayum day :)


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Can anyone in Hollywood greenlight something of mine? So some bonehead greenlights a new Adam Sandler movie called "Jack & Jill" and get this: don't pee your pants; Adam Sandler will play BOTH Jack & Jill!!!!! oooooooooooh  aaaaaaaaaawwwwww
Are you shiiiiiiitttting me?

My dear friend Alan said it perfectly in his Facebook post which he gave me permission to reprint here for your reading amusement. Enjoy!
(click on below to read it without words being cut off)


Hey, I am not dissing Wal-Mart, I was born and raised in the countreeeeeeee and I love me some Wal-Mart.
"Obviously the boyfriend needs a job so he can buy his baby momma some larger size drawers."


This morning, I feel as bloated as a whale (PMS) and grumpy cause the café downstairs did not have one single gotdayum muffin (including the blueberry muffin I desperately crave right now).

Also, yesterday morning I found out both of my munchkins’ 2 week old goldfish went belly up. Spent my lunch break yesterday, running around Burbank trying to locate a pet store to purchase replacement goldfish, so momma ( that’s what I call myself) wouldn’t have to admit to Lil Momma ( that’s what I call my 6 yr old mini-me) Dorothy 1 and Dorothy 2 ( what the munchkin named her 2 goldfish) had died.

Couldn’t find the dadblasted Burbank Petsmart, probably should have google’d that important information before I decided to make the wasted trip. Then last night had to lie to small female person and tell her “momma took the goldfish to momma’s work to visit with receptionist’s beta fish and left them in my office overnight.
Today at lunch, I will be purchasing 2 more goldfish.

Signing off for now, while I haul my bloated crabby ass into our work kitchen to see if I can find some kind of carb substitute for the blueberry muffin the downstairs café didn’t have.

First Inane thought of the day.....

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

One, happy Birthday today to one of my sweetest and dearest friends in Nueva York. You rock homie.

Second, every morning driving on the LA. freeways,I ponder the same thing over and over.

I have issues with the carpool lane.

The carpool lane signs say something to the effect of "For Cars with one or more persons" or something close to this. I feel it's discriminatory against those of us driving with one or more personALITIES in the same car, but just on physical body. I don't think it's fair that I am not allowed to drive in the carpool lane because all the personALITIES in my car just happen to reside in ONE body, mine.

Someone in the carpool lane might actually have 2 physical persons in their car, but I may have more personALITIES in my car. Is this fair?

"THE FELICA SHOW" coming soon.......

Friday, October 23, 2009


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